


outside i make up God again

by smallredboy



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Being Fired, Biphobia, Canon Dialogue, Catholicism, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Homophobia, Hurt Robert Chase, Loss of Identity, M/M, Season/Series 03, canon compliant (somewhat), fwbs to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/smallredboy
Summary: The weeks before and after House firing Chase are difficult.
Relationships: Allison Cameron/Robert Chase, past Robert Chase/OMC, unrequited Robert Chase/Greg House
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28
Collections: Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 10, Prompt Table Challenge: Shippy Building





	outside i make up God again

**Author's Note:**

> **hurt/comfort bingo** : cuddling + loss of job / income + wild card - depression + loss of identity + ostracized from society  
>  **shippy building** : i'm sorry you lost
> 
> enjoy!

"My church found out about you," Chase says, settling on the bed, staring at the floor.

"And?"

He sighs. "One of my exes still goes there." He pauses. "One of my ex  _ boy _ friends. He approached me and told me to not lead you on because ¨ _ obviously _ I'm gay and just having sex with you for the appearances, and I got heated and…" He makes a noise, reaching his hands up to rub his temples. His head hurts at the memory of his ex yelling at him to stop hiding, that he can say he's gay, that he doesn't have to pretend to like women anymore. The priest staring at the both of them, thinly veiled disgust on the rest of the congregation's faces.

"I'm sorry, Chase," she says, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "You know I wasn't ever particularly religious, but it must be tough. You could go to a different church?"

"I've been going to this one ever since I got to Jersey," he points out, his lip trembling. "I should probably leave it. But…"

"No buts." She leans in to kiss him on the mouth, a quick kiss that makes him dizzy with affection. "You're going to leave that church. It'll be better for you, I promise. Do you wanna cuddle it out?"

He sighs and curls up next to her in bed after some struggling to get in a good position. "I'll go a few more times, just to see if it will really change all that much."

Cameron hums her approval, leaning her hand up to massage at his shoulder. He accepts the touch, eyes fluttering shut. Being in her arms was the quickest way to feel better, to feel safe— Cameron is a miracle on Earth sometimes. He's so glad he's got her at his side, even if they haven't quite gotten to what he wants yet. It's impersonal, she tries to tell him, even as they spend more and more time together, how they cuddle during the afterglow, Cameron's arms wrapped around his lithe frame.

The next week, he goes to mass. Everyone still gives him looks, and his ex-boyfriend is staring at him in a way that scorches his clothes clean, leaves him bare for anyone to judge him with. It's rotten. The priest gives him a glance as he starts the First Reading, and the man next to him at the pews keeps a respectable distance in between them.

He hates this. He was okay beforehand, no one paying him any mind— to be fair, they're also giving his ex dirty looks. But he doesn't care. He shouldn't have reacted like that, he shouldn't have cared so damn much about what he's doing with his life. Much less if he's gay or bi.

And yet he  _ cared _ and he had to notify everyone in their congregation that they're dirty, breaking the rules put forth in Leviticus, whatever. He's exhausted. He wants to scream his head off as the priest goes throughout the psalm, as he reads about God's love in the same manner he might read about God's hatred. He's tired of this. He's exhausted of being ostracized.

When he comes home, he texts Cameron. He's going to have sex, he's going to forget all his worries, and he's going to leave the congregation. He'll find another one, another one that doesn't know him for who he is, for what he is.

"Are you okay?" Cameron asks, shifting against the door to his bedroom, looming over it like she's unsure of if she's allowed to come in.

He looks down at the floor and sighs. "I'm… leaving that church. You were right."

"Are you okay?" she asks again, more insistent.

He sucks in a breath. "I… don't know."

She walks over to him, leans down to kiss him. "I'll help make that a resounding yes."

He smiles, looks up at her, a little starstruck. "I love the sound of that."

* * *

Two weeks later, he's still looking for a new church to attend to (preferably one that expressly mentions their support for LGBT people, but those are hard to come by) when House fires him.

They're dealing with the fact that Foreman is about to leave when he goes to House's office to talk to him. House's office always feels like it's off-limits, like it's prohibited. Maybe because of the way he feels when he's there alone with him, like something is going to happen, even though that's ridiculous.

Nothing will ever happen between them, because House does not care about him. But this still comes as a surprise.

"Look," he starts. "I don't care if Foreman stays or goes, but—"

"You're fired."

He says it so matter of factly he has to take a second, eyes wide open.

"Wha-what? Because I yelled at you?"

That's the only logical explanation. House just can't  _ get rid of him _ like nothing. Right? Right? He feels a void in the pit of his stomach, how he feels like he can't breathe. He can't just get rid of him, he can't just fire him, he just can't—

"Because you've been here the longest. Learned all you can, or you haven't learned anything at all." He says that with a slight mocking tone, or maybe he's imagining things. Of course he maybe hasn't learned anything at all. He's still looking up to House, hoping for something, begging for scraps under the table. "Either way, it's time for a change."

He can't help but hesitate, his lip trembling. He tries to school his gaze back into professionalism, into confusion, into nothing else. Into nothing else that is confusing and full of the need to cry out and ask for a better explanation. He's been here for so long, he's been here, he's been under House, he can't get rid of him this easily.

But he is.

"Fine."

As soon as he gets out of House's office, reality crashes upon him. He's fired. He's not working under House anymore.

He sucks in a breath, his head pounding. He's ashamed to admit how much he has construed his identity on being House's employee during the last five years. It's just been always nice to think about, to dwell on— Gregory House's fellow. Fellow at the Department of Diagnostics. Diagnostician-in-training. It's bragging rights (because there's so many people who want to be in his position) and also something that keeps him at peace. That he's being successful, and that he works under House, a prestigious man, a man hard to please.

He's been working to please him for years upon years, and it didn't work out. 

Oh fucking  _ well _ . He can get a new job at some other hospital, he can deal with how much he'll hate being away from House.

After talking with Cameron and Foreman about it, he makes a beeline for Cuddy's office.

He knocks on the door. "Come in!" Cuddy calls out.

He does so, and he can't help but shrink in on himself a little. "House fired me," he says.

"Okay." She's stopped looking at her papers, at least. That's something going for him. 

"Would you write a letter of recommendation in his place? I really don't think he's going to."

Yeah, House wouldn't ever write a letter of recommendation. He wants to believe that maybe he'd be an exception to an unspoken rule, but he knows to not be so optimistic. He's just an annoyance more in the cacophony of his ex-boss' life. It's not worth it.

"I could." Cuddy grants, "but you could stay here. There's a vacant spot in surgery."

Oh.

He stares at her for a few seconds, unable to process this information. Is she really offering him a job  _ here _ ? Again? With House around? He could still see House, could still get a hold on him. He could watch bitterly as he gets a replacement for him.

He remembers how he was the only one who didn't get replaced again and again before Cameron and Foreman came in. Now he'll know what it's like, first person.

"I'll— I'll think about it."

Cuddy offers him a reassuring smile, nodding her head graciously as he stumbles out of her office, his head swimming.

The days afterward, he finds himself on his apartment, despondent. It has been a mess of confusion and fear before going and accepting Cuddy's offer, becoming a surgeon in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, away from House and yet still in the same building.

It tastes like victory and like unreasonable defeat at the same time.

He hears a knock on the door and reaches to open it, seeing Cameron there.

"Hi," he says sheepishly.

"Hey." She steps forward onto the porch. "It's Tuesday." There's a pensive pause. "I like you."

He swallows thickly, his heart beating hard against his chest. Is this really it? It can't be. They've tried to keep it impersonal for months now. "It's Monday."

"I know," she says. "I just didn't feel like waiting."

Chase gasps into her mouth when she kisses him, full of intent, a hand on his cheek as she leads them inside.

Maybe this will be a bit better, now. Now that he has Cameron with him.


End file.
